70

Today would have been my mom's 70th birthday.

70!

I cannot imagine her that old. She never looked old until she got sick. She never really got the chance to be old. She had probably 3 gray hairs on her entire head.

I was thinking about this mark though--7-0.

That's a big deal.

We would have all gotten together.

We would have partied, Bell style.

Kris would have made her a cake.

Becky would have written a poem.

I would have made some picture arraignment.

Greg would have... come! Haha. That's all she needed from our brother. She adored him, his presence would merely be enough.

And we would have watched our family video. It starts with a young Bell family, long before I was born and goes all the way into Will's birth. There's no sound. And we all laugh and make the same comments every single time we watch it.

I love it.

She loved it.

 

Instead, I'll make her favorite meal {hamburgers & pepsi} and we'll talk about her. We'll talk about how much we love her and how much we miss her. We'll talk about how special she was and how we all feel like better people because we knew her. Because we were loved by here.

And I'll cry... and cry.

Because as happy as I am.

I miss her.

And on days like this one... errr, months like this one, I cry. A lot. And that's okay too. It's part of life. It feels so bitter because it tasted so sweet.

And I wouldn't trade it for anything.