Regrets & Gratitude

When someone you love incredibly. Fiercely. Dies--it's easy to find yourself lost and completely full of regrets.

It's been 3 years since my mom passed and there are some things I still can't get over. Things that I did or didn't do. I can't tell you how I wish I could go back in time to change them.

I'd pay any amount.
I'd relive... oh I don't know, childbirth.
But there are somethings I wouldn't give up, too.
I don't think about those things when I'm wishing I could go back in time though.

I think about my regrets everyday and though some people would find them trivial or silly. They are big enough to me that a few I haven't admitted to anyone else.

I am normally a positive gal.
And just because I have regrets and bad hours... days, doesn't mean I'm ungrateful, because really I am.

Our Primary president asked me to talk to the primary kids this Sunday about my mom and about how grateful I am for the Resurrection. And I am. More now than ever, I am.

I've been a little worried about this. I, of course said yes. But I cried as I said it. I'm hoping I can bring the spirit to that primary meeting. I'm hoping that I don't traumatize those sweet, small children by breaking down like an idiot.

One of my regrets that I haven't found the courage or the tact to tell anyone is that my sweet, beautiful mother was the only other person in my family to share my love for the Gospel and yet I didn't nearly enough ask her for her opinion or testimony about things. It's special when you love someone and believe so passionately the same thing. You can share sacred, special moments. We didn't have nearly enough of those. And that was my fault.

I AM grateful for the Resurrection though. And I will see my momma again. I will hold her. I will kiss her. And then we'll play a game of Racko or something silly we used to do. She's my angel. And I will have her back.