Zac's Essay

Diabetes is such a horrible and scary disease. And it certainly affects more than just the victim. Here's an essay my nephew wrote about his brother, my nephew Nick who passed away in October.


Zac Zolnosky
March 23, 2009
Nick Zolnosky Scholarship


Our Tragedy

A tragedy is something that all people avoid and try to prevent for the entirety of their lives. However, real tragedy is always unexpected and un-avoidable. No matter how much pain and regret it may leave in the aftermath, the only comfort can come in knowing that everything happens for a reason, and nothing could have been done to prevent such a tragedy from occurring. I had never in my life been the victim of a tragedy until the day that would change my life forever. That day was October 23, 2008.
Growing up, my life seemed easy and carefree, almost as though nothing bad could ever happen to me. Although my life had its share of up’s and down’s, nothing could ever manage to break my spirit. As a child, my main goal in life was to be exactly like my big brother Nick. He was two years older than me and he taught me everything that I needed to know growing up. I followed Nick everywhere and he willingly let me tag along and be a part of all of his adventures in our home in Colorado. From climbing trees to playing football, Nick had always been my idol, and I looked up to him in every way. He was so smart, funny and most importantly very strong and courageous. I remember being with him at times when I was so scared but he never was. My brother never let me see him struggle or watch him in pain, which is what made one day so unbelievable and so scary for me and my whole family.
I was eight years old and my brother was ten when my mom began to sense that something was not right. My brother had been living with the symptoms of diabetes and after a doctors appointment he was diagnosed with the disease. I did not understand this disease to the full extent, but I did not need to. I could see the fear in my brother, and that was enough to not only break my heart, but give me concerns about his safety for the next nine years of my life. Never before had I seen my brother scared or weak, but now he had a disease that controlled his life in so many ways that he could not hide his pain or fear any longer. The time closely following the diagnoses was the hardest part, as we were all new in learning how to cope with this newly diagnosed burden. Months and years went by, and although it seemed easier than in the beginning, every night all of us would lie awake, thinking about his safety, praying that nothing bad would happen to him.
Never in my life had I felt more fear than when I watched my brother suffer from extreme low blood sugars caused by his diabetes. Everything seemed so frantic and so scary that as a child I did not know what to do and several times I even thought that my brother was going to die. It seemed that every time our family would start to feel the slightest comfort about Nick’s medical situation, something would happen to make us live with fear, getting no sleep, wondering about the safety of my brother.
As Nick grew older, he became more independent, and I was beginning to feel comfortable about his health again. He went off to college, and even though my mother and I missed him very much, Nick was doing incredible, excelling at one of the top Universities in the nation. We were so proud of him and our lives seemed very at ease. My mom had a great job and she provided me with all of the love and care that a son could ever ask for. My passion is hockey and she was willing to take time off of work to drive me eighty miles to Salt Lake City nearly three times a week just so that I could get the satisfaction of doing what I love to do. Hockey not only gave us a chance to spend more time together and grow a very special bond, but it gave both of us an excuse to see my brother who was attending the University of Utah very close by. Everything was going great until the one very normal day that turned very bad and changed both of our lives forever.
It was Wednesday, October 22 and I had a hockey game in Salt Lake against the Timpanogos Timber Wolves. My mom sent a text message to my brother like she would on a normal hockey day to let him know that we were in town for my game. When he did not respond, I was not surprised considering that Nick was very busy working part time while also trying to maintain his high grade point average as a student. When the game had ended, my mother and I were on our way out of town but my mom said that she was worried about my brother and would not leave until she heard from him in assurance that he was ok. Over and over she called, but we received no response. I was convinced that she had nothing to worry about and after driving by Nick’s dorm room to find his light off, I re-assured my mom that he was probably busy with his friends trying to live a normal college life.
The next day had arrived and I was off to school. Everything was going quite normally until the second half of the very last period of the school day. I remember this moment as though it happened just yesterday. My French class had invited a guest speaker to talk to us that day. Outside it was very sunny yet very cold as the winter was just about to begin. I recall day dreaming of the excitement of the summer to come, when suddenly our class was interrupted by one of the school counselors. The counselor looked directly at me, told me to pack my things and head to the office. I was very confused as to why I was being taken out of class at this time. On my way down the stairs to the office, I turned around towards the direction of the class room where I saw the counselor explaining something to my teacher. Her mouth dropped and it looked as if tears were about to come pouring out of her. This concerned me; my heart was beating so rapidly as I thought of all possible scenarios that could be occurring in this situation. As I neared the front office I saw my aunt and uncle standing, waiting to take me somewhere. I demanded to know what was happening so my aunt gently took my hand, walked me outside and gave me the news that has changed my life ever since. “Your brother’s diabetes made him very sick last night and they don’t think that he made it.” Immediately tears began to roll down my face, yet I could not believe what I was hearing. For seventeen years he had been my best friend and the person that I could trust in and go to with anything yet in the blink of an eye he was gone. My brother was been taken from my life without warning or even any chance to say goodbye.
October 23, 2008, a day that I will never forget. The day that changed so many lives forever. Even though my best friend, role model and hero has been taken from me, I must have no regrets. Everything happens for a reason and as much as I regret not trying to save the life of my brother when I had the chance the night before, I know that this tragedy could not have been prevented. Now my brother, who I have always looked up to, is looking down on me from a much better place. A place where he will not have to live in fear or pain. Although I know that not one day will go by in which he will not be greatly missed, our lives will go on without him, no matter how hard it may be.